Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
