Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
