just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
