what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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