herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
