I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
