This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
