I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
