Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
