Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
