My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my sisters under your porch take her home
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
