Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
