I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
