he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
