Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
