Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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