There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
