that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
