don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
