my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
