just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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