based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
