if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
