I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
