um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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