i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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