is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
