I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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