32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
