I wish I could punch you in the face.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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