i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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