can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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