You can't special order awesome
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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