I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
