I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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