your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
