Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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