He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
