Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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