Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
