i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
my liver is dry heaving
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
