so that wasnt chicken after all
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
