he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
