Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
