as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
