my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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