Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
