Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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