The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
