I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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