I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
