whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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