i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
