im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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