I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
