you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
